And so it was, throughout the summer of 2010, I began writing this very book you are now reading. Doors, which I had always hoped and prayed would open for years, flung wide. Yah had totally restored the ministry He had given me long ago, and now I was able to pursue that which He had placed on my heart with all my passion and zeal.
Not only had He at long last placed me in the full time ministry, but He also granted a singular breakthrough that meant more to me than all the gold and silver in the world.
The restoration of my children.
After months of very limited and costly supervised visitation, just after a very joyous Feast of Tabernacles, the breakthrough arrived like a gushing flood of joy.
I could now have my children and delight in their presence every weekend. It was more than I was expecting. The sweet happiness that filled my children and myself was beyond description. Our first reunion, despite the cold and dripping November rain, we danced beneath a large replica of a B-52 bomber, our laughter, smiles and joy uncontainable. It would be the first of many adventures we would enjoy around the city.
I remember with keen bitter-sweetness, a cool summer night in which I walked, hands stuffed in my pockets, crying out to Yah how much I appreciated the restoration of the ministry, but that the one thing I lacked was having my family.
Yet now, just a few short months after that desperate plea from my lips, even that had been restored.
I began this book with the words: We stand, as the Body of Messiah, on the edge of eternity. Before us is the great, gaping maw of a tribulation that was foretold by the Apostle Yochanon. We desperately try to peer into the murky, roiling clouds before us, wondering how best to prepare for the dark days that lay ahead.
My prayer and hope is that the pages you have just read have given you a piercing broadsword of flaming light by which to navigate the coming darkness.
As the Word declares in Revelation 12: “And they overcame the great dragon by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony . . .”
I have done the best I can to share the word of my testimony in this book. I pray this testimony, with all its ups and downs, highs and lows, joy and sorrow, pain and healing, has been able, in some small way, to lift you up, giving you a measure of strength and courage to face the days which lay ahead.
Of course, this is but the end of the beginning. My life is rooted in the eternal Life of YahShua ha Maschiach, so my testimony will have no end. It will continue to reflect His glory, His beauty, His awesome Testimony.
This is what our Messiah asks of all His servants. To, through His blood, and by the testimony He continues to work in our lives, share that which He has given with those around us. Freely He has given, freely we have received, freely we must pour out to others.
This is the essence of love. Of His Love. Of a love that never fails. To give, and give and give . . . and when it hurts too much to give anymore . . . to give. Because the act of giving, exercised through us, is never rooted in us. It is rooted in the Ultimate Giver, who should stand as King over our hearts, pouring through us that which we could never give on our own.
And now, to conclude this book, a poem Yah has laid upon my heart:
Many of us begin
Screaming out for love
A desperate battle inside
Knowing we should give
But only able to selfishly take
Even as an unconverted Paul once cried out --
That which I long to do, I can’t!
And that which I should not do
I constantly commit!
But then His Love
Oh, how to describe His Love?
With a Deep Shalom
Deeper than any ocean
Higher than the tallest mountain
His Love pierces our needful torment
And where there was chaos
At the center of our confused hearts
He stills the storm
Now we’re not living to take
But seeking how we can give
For in serving others
Ultimate Freedom is gained
A Love Slave to the One who died for us
Following His foot steps
No longer alone
Fear vanished away
Replaced by a Holy Fear
That gives us strength to overcome any sin
When YahShua fills the heart
Oh, how can such a thing be put into words?
The thirsty soul is satisfied
Yet is always, in thrilling joy, thirsting for more . . .
More of Him
More of our sweet and precious King
Failure no longer matters
It’s something we can laugh at now
Because, now rooted in Him
We know one sure thing
More real than the wheelwork of spiraling galaxies
More real than the burning corona of the sun
More real than anything that we have ever seen
And what is this one sure thing?
The End (of the beginning . . .)